What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
