You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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