so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
