I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
