Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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