What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
