dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
