i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We left the knife in your bed.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
