Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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