I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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