You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
