Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
