Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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