I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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