The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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