i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
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