Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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