He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
