he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
