Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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