Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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