God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
