I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
