The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
