And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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