I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
