is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
