3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
