So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
