he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
