how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
