he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
