just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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