too bad you live with your parents still
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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