I miss vodka workout Fridays
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
