Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My life is pants optional.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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