You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
