You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
