You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
