I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
