I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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