My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
