me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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