I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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