Apparently you make a good broom.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
