i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
