My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
