hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she told me i tasted like america
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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