i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
