there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
