idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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