At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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