after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize