i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
