is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
