Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
