jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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