If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
