they need to just BURY HIM!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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