STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
