One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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