bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He better not be in your backpack
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
