Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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