You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
